Our Jams – Love Songs Version

You cannot say “love song” without thinking of Luther Vandross.  Here is “A House Is Not A Home.”  We miss you Luther!

We are big India Arie fans – here is “Brown Skin” (above) and “The Truth” (below).

Where is Jesse Powell hiding?  “You” is from his first cd, which was self titled.  GREAT cd for lovers.

We heard you Karen!  Here is En Vogue’s “Don’t Let Go.”

One of our P&G readers, D-Dub, requested Ruff Endz’ “Someone To Love You.”  This was, and still is, the jam!  Thanks D!

Isn’t Kindred The Family Soul a great example of love?  “Stars” is a “great celebration of love” song.

10 Ways To Love Fearlessly

10 Ways To Love Fearlessly

By Peter Pearson, Ph.D, from CouplesInstitute.com

Let’s face it: love is messy. With its magnified highs and lows, love is unpredictable and never what we expect – so much so that we might be tempted to cower in fear. But if we approach love with the courage of a warrior, we can have relationships of heroic proportions. Here are 10 ways:

1. BE YOURSELF. If we want to be loved for who we truly are, why put on an act?

2. DON’T BELIEVE YOUR STORIES. Our interpretation of events and feelings is, in fact, just one possibility for what is actually true. Focus on what IS to get closer to the truth.

3. STAY OPEN. Fear shuts us down. But when we are vulnerable, true connection to others is possible.

4. SPEAK UP. We become silent when we desperately want to connect.

5. STOP LOOKING FOR PERFECTION. More than likely, what we call “high standards” is a mask for our own feelings of inadequacy.

6. EMBRACE THE MESSINESS. It gives us the gift of growth.

7. GET MAD. Learn the difference, though, between expressing anger responsibly and dumping it.

8. LOVE WITH NO THOUGHT OF WHAT YOU’LL GET IN RETURN. This is fearless love in action.

9. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Be accountable for your own emotions, thoughts and actions.

10. LOVE YOURSELF. Only then can you love others and be loved.

If these pointers sound like too much to take on, choose one. Keep your focus on it until it becomes an automatic reaction. Practice one a month, and your year will be full of growth.

100 Ways To Love Your Mate

100 Ways To Love Your Mate

By Connie Saindon of Self Help Magazine

This list is designed to be a quick check for you to review. Use it to give you ideas to maintain your relationship, to give it a positive boost or to select a holiday gift. Some couples have also used it as a request list. They have circled what they would like to have and asked their partner to do the same. Feel free to add to the list and use it again and again. Enjoy!

1. Hug them.
2. Write a love note.
3. Call them at work just to say “Hi.”
4. Give them a foot massage.
5. Tell them a joke.
6. Caress them with slow gentle strokes.
7. Go for a walk with them.
8. Send them a “happy gram.”
9. Admit your mistakes.
10. Say: “I love you.”
11. Indulge a whim.
12. Listen to them talk about an interest of theirs.
13. Be trustworthy.
14. Instead of complaining, tell them what you would prefer.
15. Look at them when you’re in a discussion.
16. Send flowers.
17. Compliment something they did.
18. Offer to help.
19. Ask them to show you how to do something.
20. Call when you are going to be late.
21. Take them out to dinner.
22. Write them a poem about how special they are.
23. Cut out a cartoon they’ll enjoy.
24. Ask them what they’d like sexually.
25. Go shopping together.
26. Take an afternoon drive.
27. Cuddle.
28. Put your arm around them in front of others.
29. Take them out on a surprise date.
30. Do something they want to do.
31. Listen.
32. Plan a candle light dinner.
33. Look at old photos together.
34. Serve them breakfast in bed.
35. Hold hands.
36. Share sexual fantasies.
37. Do a work project together.
38. Rub their back.
39. Take a shower together.
40. Carry their photo in your wallet.
41. Go away together for a weekend holiday.
42. Kiss them.
43. Smile more when you look at them.
44. Go for a bicycle ride together.
45. Surprise them with “special” attire.
46. Plan a picnic lunch.
47. Read something together about how to have a better relationship.
48. Repeat what they say before answering.
49. Say “Good morning” first.
50. Ask if they have a few minutes first before interrupting.
51. Send them a card.
52. Surprise them with a gift when it’s a non-holiday.
53. Cook them a favorite meal.
54. Try a new restaurant.
55. Ask them how they feel.
56. Let them know when you are proud of them.
57. Ask for their opinion.
58. Turn on some romantic music.
59. Dedicate a song to them.
60. Send them a balloon bouquet.
61. Watch a sunset together.
62. Play a game together.
63. Have them teach you something they know.
64. Tell them they have the night off.
65. Go to a movie they select.
66. Ask them for a hug.
67. Wear some new cologne.
68. Take them to Bali.
69. Discuss future plans with them.
70. Ask if you can help when they look sad.
71. Ask them about their dreams.
72. Meet them for lunch.
73. Enlarge a scenic photo of a place you’ve shared.
74. Give them a gift certificate for their favorite store.
75. Tell them what you like about them.
76. Buy them a new perfume.
77. Take them to a scenic spot.
78. Send them a gourmet gift basket.
79. Send them a joke card.
80. Let them know when you’ve thought of them during the day.
81. Buy them a toy.
82. Compliment them to their friends.
83. Bring them a thirst quenching drink.
84. Tell them when they look attractive.
85. Send them a post card.
86. Invite them to a secret rendezvous.
87. Give them a massage.
88. Take a lesson with them.
89. Look at photos together of when you met.
90. Plan a vacation with them.
91. Listen openly to their opposing opinion.
92. Buy them a new piece of jewelry.
93. Watch a TV show they like with them
94. Write them a letter.
95. Listen to music with them, such as an old favorite.
96. Whisper sweet nothings in their ear.
97. Tell them what you like that they do.
98. Give a head massage.
99. Invite them to a concert.
100. Let them know you care.

Let’s Talk About Sex

Who knew there was such a thing as “Christian Sex Toys” for married couples?  We have seen sex toys referred to as “Marital Aids,” but here are some sites that cater to Christians who want to keep the spark alive:

Wholly Love

Book 22

My Beloved’s Garden

Maybe these sites are in existence to attract those Christian couples who would never dream of going to a sex toy store or website.  It is ok people – it is really ok to enhance and enjoy your sex life.  Joyce Meyer once said, “I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing as tragic as being alive and not enjoying life.”  The same can be applied to our sex lives.

Here is an interesting site that discusses sexuality for married couples from the Christian perspective:

The Marriage Bed

Just so we are in the know, here are some interesting statistics about general sex toy use and sex courtesy of Babeland.com:

  • 44% of women between the ages of 18 and 60 have used a sex toy
  • 20% of men report using a vibrator
  • 9  in 10 women report being comfortable talking to their partners about their sex toys
  • 1 in 5 women report masturbating at least once a week. Of those women, almost 60% use a sex toy in their solo play
  • Women who are in relationships are most likely to own and use sex toys. 78% of women who use or have used a sex toy reported being in a relationship
  • Women who use sex toys report experiencing more frequent orgasms and greater satisfaction with their partners than women who don’t use sex toys
  • Of women surveyed, 15-17% were under 20 years old when they first tried a vibrator, 50% were in their 20s, 22-27% were in their 30s, and 8-10% were forty and older
  • People worldwide are having sex for the first time at an average age of 17.3
  • Globally, people have had an average number of nine sexual partners
  • Almost a quarter (23%) of adults around the world have incorporated sex toys in partner sex
  • 20% of adults report indulging in kinky play, including using masks, blindfolds, or bondage
  • The most common place for adults to have sex outside their bedroom is in the car (50%), followed by the bathroom (39%), parents’ bedroom (36%), and the park (31%)
  • 15% of people have had sex at work, and 2% have joined the mile high club
  • Globally, people have sex an average of 103 times a year

We would love to know how many Christians were surveyed.

On yesterday’s Oprah, there was a sex survey on Oprah.com and more than 14,000 people responded. When asked, “Are you happy with your sex life?”, 57 percent of women said Yes (source).  If you fall into the 43% percent category, do something to change your “no” to a “yes.”

Love Is When……

Hey Pumps and Gloss-ers,

Before we jump into “Sex and Love Week,” please congratulate me on completing a Bachelor’s of Science-Business/ Marketing degree. The process was long and arduous, but I enjoyed every minute, even if I had frequent complaints. I want to thank my family and friends for their prayers, support and encouragement. I love you all!!


When I was a teenager the only “erotica” I could be seen reading was Songs of Solomon.

2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.

3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the maidens love you!

4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Songs of Solomon 1:2-4

I have always been interested in erotic literary works. In college, I was introduced to Noire Erotique/Black Erotica. This book is a must have!! This anthology includes prose, poetry and fiction on sex and love. One of my favorites from the book is the erotic horoscopes. (Sidebar: I am not a reader nor follower of horoscopes.) The prose describes how each sign likes to make love and what signs they are compatible with. A fun read!!

Noire Erotique/Black Erotica - Source: Amazon.comDark Eros - Source: Amazon.com

Another Book that I have is Dark Eros. This book is not as great as Black Erotica, but definitely worth the read. One of the poems in the book was written by a high school classmate. I am glad that he was able to parlay his amateur writings into published work.

These books showcase love, specifically, Black love in a more positive light. Many of the popular images (i.e. videos) turn our love into random acts of lust. Yes, we do care for and love each other.

Each book has helped to shape my view of sexuality. I learned that I do not have to settle for the virgin or slut roles. I can be lady and a freak all at the SAME time!! 😉

Let us know some of your favorite Erotica book titles. Looking forward to your comments.

Since I love books and learning, here is my favorite songs, Teach U A Lesson, by Robin Thicke.

For all the lovers in the world, Alicia Keys’ new single, No One, Mr. Carob and I can relate to this song… Good Job, Alicia!!

Hope you are enjoying “Sex and Love Week” as much as we are.

Keep It Sizzling and Sexy,

Sexual Carob

Glossy Monday – Sex and Love Week

Happy Monday Glossy Ones,

Welcome to Pumps and Gloss’ Sex and Love Week!  If you want to see something specific this week, feel free to let us know!



Since it is Sex and Love Week, I will share my favorite Sex song and favorite Love song.

Usher sets the mood with “Seduction.”  I would have posted “Alone” by Jodeci or “That’s What It’s Made For” by Usher, but I couldn’t find any video of these songs!

I will always be a fan of SWV!  I can listen to “Use Your Heart” every day.  And gotta love how Taj works her part out.

There are SO many other songs I could list – anything by Jesse Powell, Johnny Gill, Boyz II Men, Blackstreet, etc.  My current favorite song is “Valentine” by Lloyd – my husband is sick of hearing it! LOL!


POETRY– “Love” by Shihan


CHUCKLE – I received this as an e-mail forward; author is unknown.

How To Treat a Woman

  • Wine Her
  • Dine Her
  • Call Her
  • Hold Her
  • Surprise Her
  • Compliment Her
  • Smile at Her
  • Listen to Her
  • Laugh with Her
  • Cry with Her
  • Romance Her
  • Encourage Her
  • Believe in Her
  • Pray with Her
  • Pray for Her
  • Cuddle with Her
  • Shop with Her
  • Give Her Jewelry
  • Buy Her Flowers
  • Hold Her Hand
  • Write Her Love Letters
  • Go to the end of the earth and back for Her

How to Treat a Man

  • Show Up Naked
  • Bring Chicken Wings
  • Don’t Block the TV



LovingYou.com has wonderful printable love quizzes for you and your mate to share.  These quizzes will cause you to open up and learn more about each other.  There are 16 different quizzes ranging from Sexual Favorites to Beliefs.  A great communication tool, the printable quizzes can be found here.



Clarence Carter’s “Strokin’” always did crack me up!  The lyrics are just too much.  And how I wish I could find “Candy Licker” by Marvin Sease – the title says it all!



Looking to set the mood right with a romantic meal?  Check out these sites for great meal ideas:

The Romantic

The Recipe Zaar

Advice Diva – She offers great tips on what qualities a romantic meal should have.


The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. ~ Galatians 5:6

Have a wonderful week and look out for more Sex and Love Week posts!

~ J.R.