Oral Sex vs. Intercourse

TGIF Everyone!!! Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. 

Today, I am going to do something different.  Today, I am aiming my women readers.  Sorry men, you can provide input but I am looking mostly for my women to provide majority of the feedback on this topic.  I was talking with one of my friends and she mentioned a conversation she had with a male friend of hers.  The guy said that some women preferred to give oral sex rather than have intercourse.    

I thought this was strange to find a lot of women to prefer giving oral sex over having intercourse.  I tried to research to see if there was a study to see why some women prefer oral sex vs. intercourse.  Of course I couldn’t find anything so I had to ask my female friends.  Lets check out what some females had to say.

  • Some women feel as if they are still pure and virgins if they perform oral sex.  Once penetrated down there their no longer the so called virgin.  Now if they have a tongue ring and give oral their partners are enjoying them and would probably stay with them (freaks) and keep them around.  Men find the tongue ring as an indication of a freaky woman and now that men are hard to come by that is the best calling card.  Getting back to women preferring to give, I would think that it should not be one sided unless he’s giving it to her.  However, just to give it may mean to satisfy him quickly without you having to remove your clothes and all.  It’s purely a one-sided pleasure and women lose out just to please her man.
  • Some women believe they have skills that are beyond measure and get off on the sight of seeing their man give off similar gestures and sounds from his enjoyment.  It’s no different from men, it strokes women’s egos.
  • Women get pleasure from giving oral sex rather than sex itself, because they are turned on by the reaction of the man while they are giving oral sex. The reaction is probably drastically different or they don’t get much of a reaction when they have sexual intercourse which is probably damaging to her self esteem. Some woman are turned on by the moans, noises and facial expressions but if its not happening during intercourse but it is during oral sex they just stick to that and the more they do oral sex the better they will get!
  • It is my belief that women who prefer to give oral rather than vaginal sex don’t really like sex that much. Oral gives them a quick way to ‘please’ their man. The problem is after being with a woman like that, a man expects head every day and would rather get head than have sex. Oral sex becomes all about the man’s pleasure.  Oral sex is good but what about my needs?
  • After oral sex there must be some intercourse. Oral sex is foreplay, and should be treated as such.
  • Oral sex is great, but it’s just a “Prelude to Real Sex”. 
  • Most women prefer to have oral sex over intercourse because of reasons such as a yeast infection or some other womanly situation or she wants to please the guy rather than  receive feel the pentatraion.

As you know many women have their view on why women prefer oral sex over intercourse.  No one can actually give a reason for any other person.  So, lets take a look at this video as these guys and a female discuss oral sex vs intercourse.

As you see, I have various views on this hot topic.  Ladies, the women of pumps and gloss would like to know how you feel on performing oral sex vs. having intercourse.  I think a lot of men really want to know the answer. 

Sensual Element

Find The Time

Hey P&G,

Sexual Carob here with you again. Sensual Element had to attend an edible underwear conference. She does all this for you!!

A few of my married friends and I had a long discussion about “leaving the kids at the crib.” Leaving kids at the crib means husband and wife spending quality time together without the children. (Hopefully, out of the house). My friends who are single mothers or fathers seem to understand this concept. For example, MM, when given proper notice, will secure a babysitter for her two wonderful daughters. She realizes that she must make time for herself as well as her family.

A few years back, I was watching an episode of Oprah where Ayelet Waldman wrote an essay about loving her husband more than her children. (You can imagine there were some gasps and some claps.) She writes:

But the real reason for this lack of sex, or at least the most profound, is that the wife’s passion has been refocused. Instead of concentrating her ardor on her husband, she concentrates it on her babies. Where once her husband was the center of her passionate universe, there is now a new sun in whose orbit she revolves. Libido, as she once knew it, is gone, and in its place is all-consuming maternal desire. (par. 3)

I am the only woman in Mommy and Me who seems to be, well, getting any. This could fill me with smug well-being. I could sit in the room and gloat over my wonderful marriage. I could think about how our sex life—always vital, even torrid—is more exciting and imaginative now than it was when we first met. I could check my watch to see if I have time to stop at Good Vibrations to see if they have any exciting new toys. I could even gaze pityingly at the other mothers in the group, wishing that they too could experience a love as deep as my own. (par. 5)

I have seen this phenomenon all too many times. Couples who are so consumed by their children that they cannot go anywhere without them. Recently, at my cousin’s wedding, one of his friends, wife and baby drove from the Midwest to the Mid-Atlantic corner of the country. Instead of leaving the child with grandparents, who seem more than capable to look after the child, they had the child in tow. They did not get to enjoy the wedding as they were late and had to rush out of the reception to return home.

Another set, everything was about the child: the feedings were elaborate descriptions of food. “Ooh look carrots, yay carrots, what color are the carrots? Ooooh yummy carrots!!” Now, I am believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. Oh yes, show them all the beauty they possessive inside. I know the parent did not get a chance to enjoy the festivities. But I figure that children were given to us by God to help them grow and learn. The goal is for them to become positive, contributing members of the society and independent.

One of the couples left their child at the crib. The mother had an epiphany before the journey, “my parents raised me well, they are more than fit to keep my child overnight.” This was definitely a Hallelujah moment because in that moment she realized what God wanted for the family. Mother and father must be connected to each other, the children and community.

Waldman wishes:

some learned sociologist would publish a definitive study of marriages where the parents are desperately, ardently in love, where the parents love each other even more than they love the children. It would be wonderful if it could be established, once and for all, that the children of these marriages are more successful, happier, live longer and have healthier lives than children whose mothers focus their desires and passions on them. (par. 26)


I wonder the same thing. A pastor said that priorities of a married couple:

  1. God
  2. Each other
  3. Children
  4. Job

He stated that if the parents are in love and keep the love ignited, the children will know and understand love.

Married couples must keep the spark alive. They must have date nights, which can include shopping for sex toys, going to a local hotel (not motel), going to the movies and so forth. These sessions should be about reconnecting and feeling each other up (maybe on the couch) 😉

So let begin the sexual healing… awww yay baby!!

Keeping it Hot and Sweet,

Sexual Carob

Love is in The Air

Hey Pumps and Gloss Readers,

Happy Tuesday to you! I hope you all enjoyed your extended holiday weekend.

Mr. Maven and I had to a chance to spend a part of the holiday weekend in Chicago for my friend, LH, surprise engagement party. You may remember LH from an earlier post I wrote about “Shopping Serendipity” about one of my friends who asked God to help her find an inexpensive, yet elegant dress and she did.

In early August 2007, J, LH’s sister, invited us to the engagement soiree. We gladly accepted the invitation for this joyous occasion. Both LH’s and her fiance’s families went the extra mile in planning this event. They all had her believing she was going to get the proposal around December 2007.

Fast forward to Saturday night. Elaborate romantic plans were made for the actual engagement. Every action was well-thought out. (Sidebar: I am going to suggest to GS to do a series of seminars on the fundamentals of romance. Let’s just say he raised the bar!) Everyone congregated in the fiance’s (GS) family’s home. The great thing is that she had no idea that family and friends came from far and near to celebrate her engagement. (Backtrack: LH and I were chatting a few weeks back about what she thought the proposal would be like, so I told her to be patient and it will happen soon enough probably by October or November.)

So G suggested to L that they go back to his mom’s house to show off the ring. She called her parents and siblings to let them know what happened. They were all “stunned, yet happy” for the news. As they were approaching the house, we were all instructed to hide. As we heard the first set of “Congratulations” from her family, the rest of us emerged. She was so surprised that she cried. (I was misting up too!!) LH was totally speechless when she realized that her parents had flown in from the Southwest to share this wonderful memory. When she saw the rest of us, she could barely stand because she was too stunned.

LH and GS

The rest of the night was about showing off the ring (which was absolutely LOVELY!) and sharing each version of the engagement story (the best!!!!) My heart was warmed that night to be apart of Love that was in the room:

  1. The obvious Eros – romantic love – L and G.
  2. The Agape – the love that we have for God for being wonderful and always working on our behalf, even though at times things may be seem hopeless.
  3. The Philos love – the love shared among family, friends and community.
  4. Storge – the specific love that a family shares with each other.

I was very impressed, not shocked, than Mama and Sister S love LH, so that will be 3/4 of the battle won. We, Mr. Maven and I, look forward to sharing more wonderful memories with LH and GS. May God continue to be in their details and that their love for each other will continue to grow.

We learned that JOE’s “I Wanna Know” is LH’s special ringtone on GS’ phone. (A great song!!)

Continue to Live Triumphantly,

Mix Maven

Mix Maven’s Tidbits

Hey Pumps and Gloss friends,

I have been worried about Amy Winehouse. I have been reading that she has canceled all her tour dates to go to rehab. (If that is true… a definite YAY!!!! ) I hope she gets better.

Lincoln Heights - Erica Hubbard and Robert Adamson

Lincoln Heights is one of my favorite shows on the TV. About late December 2006 / early January 2007 iTunes offered the pilot episode as a free download. I said “what the hay” and downloaded this video. Before the episode ended, I set-up my DVR to record the entire season.

Lincoln Heights - Nikki Micheaux and Russell Hornsby

The premise of the show is an African-American police officer (played by Russell Hornsby), his wife (played by Nicki Micheaux), a nurse, and their 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy (Erica Hubbard,  Rhyon Nicole Brown, and Mishon Ratliff) move from a tiny apartment in the suburbs to live in a former crack den, a dilapidated Queen Anne home in an urban area. They are able to purchase and renovate the house because of a special program that allows police officers to live in the neighborhoods they patrol. I just love the premise of the show because it is about normal African-Americans doing regular stuff, even as they face challenges i.e. challenging stereotypes, dealing with childhood acquaintances. This show is one of the few, if not, only African-American dramas on television.

I enjoy the show, especially how the children must navigate from living in the suburbs, mostly White to living in an area that is mostly Black and Brown. The husband and wife get to interact a lot because of their jobs, which helps the show to flow well. This family has such strength and dignity without coming off as pious.

Check out video below..

Clips from Lincoln Heights

If by chance, you missed the entire first season, you can view the episodes online. (Arrow up to Pilot and enjoy the viewing.) UPDATE: ABC Family channel will air a marathon of Lincoln Heights‘ first season starting 11 AM – 7 PM on September 4, 2007. I, kindly, suggest that you set your DVR to record all the episodes.

The new season begins September 4, 2007 @ 8PM EDT on ABC Family.

Have a Blessed Tuesday,

Mix Maven

Counting Up The Cost

I enjoy fashion like the next fashionista. I believe, if anything, fashion is art.

Recently, I decided to subscribe to Vogue magazine. I enjoying looking at all the fashions and, of course, the items I really like are uber-expensive. I could not, in conscience, purchase this cute green clutch in the recent edition of Vogue.

Marie Claire and Essence have a similar “Splurge vs. Steal” concept where the fashion editors compare expensive to less expensive clothing options. In some photos, you cannot tell the difference between the items being showcased. Obviously, when you can see and touch, the perceived comparison will diminish. The Frugal Fashionista and The Budget Fashionista do extraordinary work in creating inexpensive looks from celebrity looks and alerting readers of sales and discounts.

The question I pose to you is, “how are people paying for these luxury brands?” As we all saw in “Sex and the City,” it was not just the rich buying the luxe brands. Carrie Bradshaw, a writer, living in a rent-controlled apartment in Manhattan always conjured up away to get her Chanel and Manolo Blahnik pumps and other luxury designer wares. And I know you all remember the time when Carrie was trying to purchase her apartment from her ex-boyfriend. Miranda asked her where did her money go and Carrie acknowledged that her money went on her back or feet.

Manolo Blahnik Open-Broach d’Orsay Pump - NeimanMarcus.comPrada Suede d’Orsay Pumps - NeimanMarcus.com

I have been reading articles about young girls, 8-10 years old, that want Prada and Gucci. Now, when I was 10 years old, I was not even thinking about getting clothes from the GAP. According to one report, that having luxury items, albeit accessories are apart of being a child today. Even though I studied fashion magazines at the age, I still wanted ESPRIT. (Sidebar: Mama Maven would take me to a local boutique and purchase items for school and church. Of course, she would watch the sales vigilantly.) The troubling thing is that the parents are purchasing these luxe clothing brand for their children and they really cannot afford to do so and live in the blue ribbon district. So what are the parents trying to prove and why can’t they tell the children, “NO!!” Maybe because they cannot tell themselves “NO” either.

We need to refocus and realize that clothes (luxury/haute couture) do not make the person. (This does not mean you have a right to walk around frumpy dumpy.. NOT ON MY WATCH!!) We must be begin to challenge the societal notion of keeping up with the Joneses, who have no money either. We must also teach our children that there is a time and place for everything. When they are making that $200,000 (adjust for inflation) maybe then they can have a closet full of luxury designer wares. (and not if they live in the Northeast, Mid-Atlantic, West Coast and some parts of the Midwest.) Learn to say “NO” to the children and especially to ourselves.

Live Triumphantly,

Mix Maven


Layers has been a recurring concept over the past few months: in Photoshop, applying blush, layer cake, and one of my favorite bloggers did a humorous piece on the layering phenomenon in fashion. Then there is my favorite layer-er of all, the Queen of Blending, a super talented make-up artist from Southern California. She uses several different eye shadow shades to create an uber-chic blended look. The naked eye may not be able to detect the layers, but they are there. Because of Q of B, I had to purchase Blue Brown pigment from MAC Cosmetics. Below are samples of her work. Her work is totally AWESOME!!
Queen of Blending Sample - myspace.comQueen of Blending Sample 2 - myspace.com

We are all complicated layers. None of us hold one moniker; we are daughters, wives, mothers, friends, lovers, girlfriends, employees, supervisors, church members etc. For example, my friend SB is a son, husband, father, chef, friend, photographer, entrepreneur (S&B seasonings) YUM-OOH!!!

S&B Seasonings - Source: S-Bseasonings.com

He is also a Regional Men’s Ministry leader (responsible for creating fatherhood initiatives, mentoring programs and even a blog and website) and he still has to time to have a BBQ at his house. He is one of my best friends in the whole world!! ( I will bring the cornbread to the BBQ. Uhm er a make sure to use turkey breast burger patties.. thanks YO!!)

Do not let people define you as one of your layers. You all know I love MAC eye shadows, but I also love politics. (I am too excited about the marathon debate on C-Span) [Mr. Maven, please bring home some popcorn. 😉 ] I am also a student, wife, daughter among other layers.

Discover all your layers today

So Much Better from the “Legally Blonde” musical.

Mix Maven


As a youngster, I watched the Iran-Contra hearings on television. I have always been captivated by government and politics. My dream as a child was to major in Political Science and/or law. Then I realized that I love color and needed to be very creative.

As a teenager, I acquired a strong affinity for Canadian sketch comedies on CBC (that is how I learned about the Canadian government), PBS, NPR, and C-SPAN (Cable-Satellite Public Affairs Network.) Man o man, do I love the C-SPAN or the SPAN, our term of endearment. My dad and I would watch C-SPAN on the weekends. I was quite miffed when I learned that there was a C-SPAN 3, but the station was not on the local cable channel listings. I am glad Mr. Maven likes C-SPAN as well. When on road trips, we find ourselves listening to C-SPAN on XM between the 2 Amy Winehouse CDs, India Arie, Lemar, Terri Walker and Musiq. One time, we listened to a great program with African-American historian, John Hope Franklin being interviewed by Brian Lamb, CEO and founder of C-SPAN. That was 3 hours well-spent. He told a fascinating story about meeting W.E.B. DuBois. DuBois did not even bother to look up from eating to acknowledge him. He recounted the story later to him and DuBois did not remember meeting him. It goes on…. watch C-Span.com for the rest of the story.

W.E.B. DuBois - Source: http://www.lucidcafe.com/library/96feb/dubois.htmlJohn Hope Franklin - Source: http://library.duke.edu/specialcollections/franklin/images/jhg.jpgBrian Lamb - Founder and CEO of C-SPAN - Source: www.nndb.com/people/ 994/000029907/

C-SPAN is great because the programming is varied: from Senate and House committee hearings, to legislation sessions, symposiums, conferences, lectures, and my favorite Prime Minister Questions. (That is some funny stuff to view.) I love the book fairs. We saw Al Franken get into it with Bill O’Reilly. On the SPAN, We “met” Molly Ivins (RIP), heard Dr. Mae Jemison, Dr. Cornell West, Rep. Keith Ellison et al speak the truth, noticed that someone’s lawyers last names had my first and last names.

Tavis Smiley, the King of Verbosity, hosts a wonderful all-day State of the Black Union conference each February. The panelists include Black leaders in academia, politics, religion, law, entertainment, and activism. The purpose of the sessions is to create real solutions for problems plaguing the African-American community. Check out Smiley’s The Covenant with Black America and The Covenant in Action.

Interesting to say the least!

I implore in you in these trying times we need to be an aware and educated electorate. We need to stop listening to menial sound bytes and begin to read and learn for ourselves. We must stop confusing being affable with competence.

Live Triumphantly,

Mix Maven

Vex in the City

Hey P&G friends,

(Often times, I think of my blog post titles before I write them because the titles help me to create the content. I was in the car on the way to the airport returning home from the wedding.)
Last week, I alluded to my cousin’s wedding. We had loads of fun. The wedding and reception were elegant and fabulous. Congrats to R&S!!

KJ, my chum, needed to get some shadows for the wedding. She loves orange, so I recommended Firespot (MoonBathe). We decided to hit up a M.A.C store/counter. I noticed that there was a Macy’s very close to our hotel, so we went there. Man, we were disappointed, when we were learned that there was no MAC counter in the store. We decided to go to an upscale mall in the area. (It is a nice mall and if you are ever in that area, you must go there.) So we found the MAC store. Most of the MoonBathe was sold out. We hightailed ourselves to the Macy’s, once again there was no MAC counter. Finally, a store with a MAC counter, Nordstrom, YAY for Nordie!! Well, this counter was also sold out of Firespot. I had to think quickly. (I am glad that I am MAC devotee) I was able to recommend a combination of Fab and Flashy (C-Shock) with Amber Lights to achieve a similar look. I also recommended a blush that she loves. I am glad that I was able to use my powers for good!

Ok here is why I was truly vexed. You, lovely readers, voted on the hairdo I was to wear to the wedding. Rihanna was selected. I was cool with the pick.

Rihanna - Source: BeautyRiot.com

Went to get my hair done on the Wednesday and the ‘do had to be modified. No problems. Thursday on the plane, I am trying to position myself, so I will not interrupt the chignon. Everything is going fine! By Friday, my chignon was popping out of the pins and band. Shucks, the hair did not hold up for the wedding. I had to wear the hair down for the wedding. (All I needed was a wind machine 😉 )

I asked Mr. Maven to take a picture of the ‘do Wednesday, but the picture never happened. Therefore, I have no record of the chic-looking bun. 😦 I will publish some approved photos in a future entry.

Have a wonderful Fourth of July (Independence Day) celebration. The day is also Mama Maven’s birthday, so Mr. Maven and I will be hosting her BBQ/Birthday Celebration, which means I will be cooking all night. Have fun and be safe!

Living Freely,

Mix Maven


Relationships are give and take, commitments, sacrifices and adjustments.  Many people think relationships coincide with reciprocity.  Let’s take a look at the meaning of reciprocity:

A reciprocal state or relation.
Reciprocation; mutual exchange
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Scenario 1
Let’s take a look at John and Sheila (names have been changed to protect identity).  Sheila and John were dating and when it came time for sex John wanted Sheila to perform oral sex however he told her he was not going downtown.  Now, Sheila was not going for the you do me but I won’t do you scenario.  She told John that it would be a cold day in hell before she let him have sexual gratification and she would be left without.  John was very serious about her giving him sexual gratification.  Every time they were together he asked for oral sex.  He told he her would never go down on her.  She even bought sexual movies to help entice him.  He tried once but to no prevail did it work.  In the end, Sheila had to let John go. 

Now was Sheila right to let him go because he wouldn’t give her the same sexual gratification he so desired.   But with respect to reciprocity, it is  the principle about the situation.  Never say what you won’t do for a person when you want to receive the same pleasure.  What makes anyone think the other person will not be offended by their statements or actions.     

Scenario 2
There is a female named Rhonda.  Rhonda is very intelligent and crafty.  However, Rhonda refuses to date men whose physical ascetic is not up to par.  Now Rhonda is not a BRICK HOUSE by any means. She demands that her men are physically fit.  Even though she has a big ASS belly, she is rocking a negative six pack.  This translates to no washboard stomach

We all have preferences but when is your preference hindering a meaningful relationship because you are being petty.  It’s nothing wrong for wanting physical fitness but you yourself have to first be in shape or on top of your game.     

What is your view on reciprocity? Give us your opinion on either scenario?

Sensual Element

Mix Maven’s Summer Picks …. Beauty Edition

I just came back from my cousin’s wedding and the entire weekend was great fun!! 🙂

More about that next time.

Summer is officially here. Where I live, there were a plethora of concerts and events to chose from that celebrated the beginning of summer. And there are more fun events to come. Please take advantage of whatever your area has to offer.

Since summer is here, we want to look our best despite the heat and humidity. Here are a few of my summer time beauty picks, that will keep you looking cool regardless of the soaring temperature.

MAC’s MoonBathe’s Powder Blush in Other Worldly.

MAC’s MoonBathe’s Powder Blush in Other Worldly: Source MacCosmetics.com

This shade is a yellow gold fused with gold pearl. I love to wear this over MAC’s Ambering Rose blush or Afterdusk blush. Your cheeks will be have a gorgeous, golden dewy look.

I know some of you like to lay out on the deck or go to the beach to catch some rays. Please, O, please use sun protection. I like to use a SPF 50 cream or gel. EVERYONE needs to wear sunblock regardless of their skin color or ethnicity. I recommend the Clinique’s UV-Response Face and Body creams in SPF 50.
Clinique UV-Response Body cream in SPF 50. Source: Clinique.com Clinique.com

I swatched Lorac’s Glam Rocks Loose Metallic Eye Shadow in Metallic Gold. I love these types of products because they are multi-purpose. Wear this as an eye shadow, brow bone highlighter, or lightly dusting on the apples of your cheeks.

Lorac’s Glam Rocks Loose Metallic Eye Shadow in Metallic Gold - Source: Drugstore.com

I also love the sheerness of MAC’s lipglass lip gloss. I have been mixing lipglass with lipsticks to create new colors. The shades that I am enjoying right now are from the MoonBathe collection. [I am surprised that I am enjoying this collection that much because C-Shock is not doing it for me at all! ] Lipglass in Crescent and Dark Flower will give your lips a natural, sun-kissed glow.

MAC Tinted Lipglass Crescent (MoonBathe) - Source: Maccsometics.comMAC Tinted Lipglass Dark Flower (MoonBathe) - Source: Maccsometics.com

Grab your cooling mist spray and books and head outside for fun in the sun.

Keeping Cool,

Mix Maven