Relationships are give and take, commitments, sacrifices and adjustments.  Many people think relationships coincide with reciprocity.  Let’s take a look at the meaning of reciprocity:

A reciprocal state or relation.
Reciprocation; mutual exchange
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Scenario 1
Let’s take a look at John and Sheila (names have been changed to protect identity).  Sheila and John were dating and when it came time for sex John wanted Sheila to perform oral sex however he told her he was not going downtown.  Now, Sheila was not going for the you do me but I won’t do you scenario.  She told John that it would be a cold day in hell before she let him have sexual gratification and she would be left without.  John was very serious about her giving him sexual gratification.  Every time they were together he asked for oral sex.  He told he her would never go down on her.  She even bought sexual movies to help entice him.  He tried once but to no prevail did it work.  In the end, Sheila had to let John go. 

Now was Sheila right to let him go because he wouldn’t give her the same sexual gratification he so desired.   But with respect to reciprocity, it is  the principle about the situation.  Never say what you won’t do for a person when you want to receive the same pleasure.  What makes anyone think the other person will not be offended by their statements or actions.     

Scenario 2
There is a female named Rhonda.  Rhonda is very intelligent and crafty.  However, Rhonda refuses to date men whose physical ascetic is not up to par.  Now Rhonda is not a BRICK HOUSE by any means. She demands that her men are physically fit.  Even though she has a big ASS belly, she is rocking a negative six pack.  This translates to no washboard stomach

We all have preferences but when is your preference hindering a meaningful relationship because you are being petty.  It’s nothing wrong for wanting physical fitness but you yourself have to first be in shape or on top of your game.     

What is your view on reciprocity? Give us your opinion on either scenario?

Sensual Element

Because We Ego Trip


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a model’s fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It’s in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Ego Tripping (there may be a reason why) by Nikki Giovanni

I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
    the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
    that only glows every one hundred years falls
    into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
    drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
    to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
    the tears from my birth pains
    created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
    out the sahara desert
    with a packet of goat’s meat
    and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
    so swift you can’t catch me

    For a birthday present when he was three
I gave my son hannibal an elephant
    He gave me rome for mother’s day
My strength flows ever on

My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
    as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
    men intone my loving name
    All praises All praises
I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
    the filings from my fingernails are
    semi-precious jewels
    On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
    the earth as I went
    The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
    across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean…I…can fly
    like a bird in the sky…

Mix Maven’s Summer Picks …. Beauty Edition

I just came back from my cousin’s wedding and the entire weekend was great fun!! 🙂

More about that next time.

Summer is officially here. Where I live, there were a plethora of concerts and events to chose from that celebrated the beginning of summer. And there are more fun events to come. Please take advantage of whatever your area has to offer.

Since summer is here, we want to look our best despite the heat and humidity. Here are a few of my summer time beauty picks, that will keep you looking cool regardless of the soaring temperature.

MAC’s MoonBathe’s Powder Blush in Other Worldly.

MAC’s MoonBathe’s Powder Blush in Other Worldly: Source MacCosmetics.com

This shade is a yellow gold fused with gold pearl. I love to wear this over MAC’s Ambering Rose blush or Afterdusk blush. Your cheeks will be have a gorgeous, golden dewy look.

I know some of you like to lay out on the deck or go to the beach to catch some rays. Please, O, please use sun protection. I like to use a SPF 50 cream or gel. EVERYONE needs to wear sunblock regardless of their skin color or ethnicity. I recommend the Clinique’s UV-Response Face and Body creams in SPF 50.
Clinique UV-Response Body cream in SPF 50. Source: Clinique.com Clinique.com

I swatched Lorac’s Glam Rocks Loose Metallic Eye Shadow in Metallic Gold. I love these types of products because they are multi-purpose. Wear this as an eye shadow, brow bone highlighter, or lightly dusting on the apples of your cheeks.

Lorac’s Glam Rocks Loose Metallic Eye Shadow in Metallic Gold - Source: Drugstore.com

I also love the sheerness of MAC’s lipglass lip gloss. I have been mixing lipglass with lipsticks to create new colors. The shades that I am enjoying right now are from the MoonBathe collection. [I am surprised that I am enjoying this collection that much because C-Shock is not doing it for me at all! ] Lipglass in Crescent and Dark Flower will give your lips a natural, sun-kissed glow.

MAC Tinted Lipglass Crescent (MoonBathe) - Source: Maccsometics.comMAC Tinted Lipglass Dark Flower (MoonBathe) - Source: Maccsometics.com

Grab your cooling mist spray and books and head outside for fun in the sun.

Keeping Cool,

Mix Maven


Sometimes you hear stories of people and their wildest sex escapade and you wonder if the entire story was embellished to catch your attention. As I was searching online I ran across some stories of individuals and their freakiest sexual adventure. Some of the stories I read were believeable and then some seem to be bogus and others are for pure entertainment. So, I thought I would do something different by sharing a story of someone’s real life freak adventure. I hope you enjoy the reading!! More real life adventures can be found on Zane’s website eroticanoir.com.

The story was written by Anonymous, taken from http://www.eroticanoir.com/

“I have never told anyone about this before. My experience all started on the bus with this guy named Brandon. Normally, I’m shy and rarely speak to guys; especially when I am alone. I was not surprised that he was staring at me because I am pretty. People encourage me to try modeling and in many ways, he looked like a model himself. He was handsome, tall, with this yummy caramel skin. I went from shy to aggressive and asked him if planned to stop staring or ask me for my phone number. He nodded that he wanted the number so I gave it to him. He called that same night and we talked for about a week. We only discussed being friends and sex honestly did not cross my mind; at first. I went over to his apartment the following week, confident that he wouldn’t try anything, but he opened up the door wearing nothing but shorts. He had just finished showering and his skin was glistening. He had muscles for days and suddenly I realized he was going to be my man.

He was watching a movie and I did not ask him to change the channel. There was a lot of tension in the beginning, then he asked me to sit closer to him. He kissed me on the neck, which shocked me because I did not believe he was that physically into me based on our phone conversations. He unzipped the front of my black dress and licked and sucked on my breasts. He whispered in my ear, “Have you ever had your pussy eaten before?” I replied, “No, never.” I did not want him to do it either but then he asked me to be his girl. He we bold enough to say he wanted me to be his wife. I felt like sex that night was out of the question. What kind of way was that to start a relationship?

Yet, his kiss was so on point that he had my entire body shivering. I gave in and allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do; beginning with eating me out. It felt so good as he went up and down and round and round with his tongue. All of a sudden his cousin walks in and he wants to taste me also. I let him go for it and went from having my first oral sex experience to having my first threesome. Brandon climbed on top of me and f***ed me better than anyone had before him. I was so wet and tight and he was the perfect fit; like a hand to a glove. We were so spent from the first go round, we could not manage a second. Three days later, I came back yearning for some more. This time I went down on him. I had sworn to never suck a dick but I felt he needed to be rewarded for sexing me so damn good. I wasn’t bad at all, I even liked it, and now I can’t stop sucking dick. I’m even into swallowing. You probably think we were just going to have a sex thing for a while and part ways. Wrong. We’re loving the hell out each other and we’re engaged.”

Our Jams

While we are not huge fans of R. Kelly, we are huge fans of Usher.  “Same Girl” gets a thumbs up.

We love Kelly!  Can’t wait for her cd to be released!  “Bump Like This” is in heavy rotation.

Musiq Soulchild is after our hearts with “Teachme

Do You” will leave you wondering just like Ne~Yo.

We are waiting for a video for “Until The End of Time” Justin!  Until then, here is audio of the song…

Relax with A Scrub

Happy Wednesday!

How I love scrubs!

Not the TLC type (I miss TLC, “R U the Girl” was funny, but we need some new music from T-Boz and Chili – I did hear that Chili is now signed to Akon’s music label now)…

Not the TV Show Scrubs (although I do love that show – J.D. and Turk both tickle me)…

I love a great scented scrub for use in the bath tub or shower.  In our rushed lives, we need to take some time to relax, to chill, to “chillax” as Bernie Mac would say (I LOVE his show!).  Scrubs come in all kinds of scents nowadays, including aromatherapy scents that ease tension.  A scrub can be either salt based or sugar based.  I am a salt fan overall, but some sugars are cool too.  Scrubs remove dead skin and leaves your body feeling baby soft!  I call it “Heaven in a Jar!” 

Here are a few my favorites…..

I am a confessed Bath and Body Works junkie.

True Blue Spa - bathandbodyworks.com

 “Take Your Sweet Time” by True Blue Spa at Bath and Body Works is the first scrub I ever bought.  It is cream based (no lather), but it smells great and it is a TRUE scrub.  It contains lots and lots of scrubbing beads that will polish your skin to perfection.

Aromatherapy Sugar Scrub - Bathandbodyworks.com

This is my favorite sugar scrub.  I love the smell of mint, so Eucalyptus Spearmint (which they list as having RELAXing properties) is my favorite scent in the Bath and Body Works’ line of Aromoatherapy (Tranquil Mint is ok, but I like this one better).   This sugar scrub has an oil mixed with it that leaves your skin not only polished, but moisturized.  Bath and Body Works also has a Classic Pleasures Salt Scrub with oil that Mix Maven and I absolutely love, but it is hard to find.  I have it in Cotton Blossom (my hubby is hooked on it too) and Mix has Coconut Lime Verbana.  Gotta find Mango Mandarin for Sensual Element!

 Sweet Pea Scrub - bathandbodyworks.com

For those of you who love lather, try the Classic Pleasures line of “Daily High Lather Scrub” in your favorite scent.  Love it in Sweet Pea!

Caress - caressskin.com

I also love “Tahitian Renewal” by Caress (around $4 per bottle at Target).  It smells sooooooo good – it grabs you and takes you to a tropical place.  Target is now selling samples bottles of it – be sure to try it!  It has good lather and rinses off well.  I promise you will love it!

Go run some water and scrub up!  Pamper Yourself!

Joyful Radiance

What Not to Wear …. Church Edition

I wanted to write a post about how good the new Maroon 5 album, “It Won’t Be Soon Before Long” is. I was going to tell you how I love the 80s groove : the synthesizers brought me back. Even how “Kiwi” is reminiscent of the Michael Jackson sound. I was going to remind you to run out and purchase Musiq’s “Luvanmusiq” I was going to tell you that if “Teachme” did not excite you, you needed prayer.

But there is a pressing matter…….

Recently, BD, a teenager at my church, suggested a What Not to Wear to Church fashion show fundraiser. I think this is an excellent idea and I know Stacy and Clinton would be very pleased. Dressing appropriately has long been a problem, and seems to be getting worse. What I find is that people do do not know how to separate club wear from proper church attire. When I was growing up, Mama and Papa Maven made sure we had school clothes, church clothes and play clothes, even separate accessories. We could never mix the clothes. Being adult now, I still subscribe to the theory partially. There are congregants that feel they should “come as they are.” Well, you are supposed to “come as you” to Jesus. (Yes, Jesus is in the church.) At some point, you have to become the new person in Christ, which means putting the old stuff away.

According to 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” Also Ephesians 4:23-24, “23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; 24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”

At my church, CG, we have a fashion standard for all rostrum personnel. Each non-elder is given this code in writing and reminded verbally before he or she is to go up front. A male must wear a dress shirt, with tie, and dark trousers (no jeans), while a female must wear dark colors, a skirt that, when seated, covers the knee. A blouse that is not revealing. If participants do not adhere to the standard, they are not allowed to go on the pulpit. Most adults adhere to the standard, but oftentimes, the teenagers do not, which is sad because they are obviously not being taught.

Here are some examples of what not to wear:

Lace Halter Top - Source: VictoriasSecret.comBra Tank Dress - Source: VictoriasSecret.comSource Nordstrom.com

The first two selections are self-explanatory. The third option is a fine line. If you really want to wear this church, I would suggest a shawl. If you have big breasts, save it for your cousin’s wedding.

You may say, “Mix Maven, the items you have selected are obviously not appropriate for church.” Of course, the items are inappropriate, but you will be surprised what I have seen in the pews.


I like this dress, but unless you are 10 years old, you should not be wearing this dress to church. Once you sit down, your ki-ki (Jamaican for lady business) might be showing. I am sure it will be a great after-five dress.

Here are some better options for church:

Steve Madden Eyelet Sheath Dress - Nordstrom.com

This Steve Madden dress is a classic and I love the silhouette.

Diane vonFurstenberg is another great option. Her ubiquitous wrap dresses are also great for church.


If pants are apart of the accepted attire, I recommend:

 Nordstrom.com pair with  Nordstrom.comorBCBG Max Azria Stretch Poplin Shirt - Source: Nordstrom.com

We have learned that you can be dressed appropriately for church and still be fashionable. Leave the uber-sexy clothes for another occasion.

One of my cohorts, KJ, and I will be doing a seminar on how to dress for interviews. Oh, how that is a problem. You keep us in your prayers.

Dressing for Success,

Mix Maven

Best Places to Have Sex

I bet everyone can remember this jam…

“Anytime Anyplace” by Janet Jackson

Did it bring back some memories?  I know it did for me.  I bet it got you thinking about where was the best place you had gotten busy? Better yet, you reminisced about an escapade with your man or lover and it sent chills up your spine?Well below, I gathered some places that would be the best place to have sex: 

In The Ocean – This is a little bit more daring than your own personal pool, but it can be pulled off. Try going to a secluded beach and getting hot in the waves, or even trying the more difficult task of having sex on a raft or floater.

 At The Office – If one partner or the other has a private office at the workplace – preferably with a lock on the door – it might present a “forbidden” place to have sex. Surprise your significant other with lunch at noon – and you for desert.  Don’t forget to work the entire office from the desk to the chair.

In An Airplane Restroom — join the mile high club! – What more can I say about this one!!Outside in the rain – It’s something about the rain that is sensual.   Don’t forget to try in a screened in porch in the middle of a thunderstorm or in your house during a thunderstorm, with a window open and rain misting all over you.  The balcony is a great place for love as well.

In A Hot TubGo to a hot tub spa in your area.  Don’t forget take the lubrication. This can be one of the best times for a half hour or an hour.  I suggest the later of the two. You two can make the best of the time while in the hot tub. 

On A Baseball Diamond At Night – If you have a man that loves baseball, he will definitely be thrilled at the idea of escapade on the pitchers mound, or the third base.  Ladies make you have easy access for this kind of adventure.     

In Front Of A Video Camera – Take the time out to make a movie and see how you work.  This is a good way to play roles and film them for viewing later.  Just make sure when u decide to destroy them both are present.  We don’t want any of those films ending up on the internet. 

On an Old Sheet with Chocolate Body Frosting – Make a game out of this.  Better yet rethink 9 ½ weeks for some real fun.  Take the sheet to a hotel.  Or if you just want to stay at home spread on the frosting and don’t forget to lick every spot. 

If you have any great places to add to this list, hit us up in the comment section or you can email us at pumpsandgloss@yahoo.com.  

Sensual Element

We Have Been Tagged!

Thanks to Kia, Yummy411, and Karen for the tag.

Here are the rules:

Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to then report this on their own blog with their 7 things as well as these rules. They then need to tag 7 others and list their names on their blog. They are also asked to leave a comment for each of the tagged, letting them know they have been tagged and to read the blog.

Just like Karen, the ladies of P&G play by our own rules, so we will have 8 facts instead of 7.

Here are the 8 random facts about Pumps & Gloss:

  1. Met at college
  2. 2 of P&G have the same birthday
  3. Mix Maven is infatuated by musicals. She has watched the 61st Tony Awards twice since Sunday. Spring Awakening songs are fyah!! Yo Audra was robbed. 😦
  4. Mix Maven misses Coupling. Her fave characters are Sally Harper and Patrick Maitland. Oh yeah, she loves Steve Taylor too. 😉
  5. Joyful Radiance collects angel figurines and Snoopy items.
  6. Joyful Radiance loves Sonic, the Waffle House and Culver’s.
  7. Sensual Element loves Mickey Mouse.
  8. Sensual Element says that Sex and the City is her all time favorite series. She owns the entire SATC dvd collection.

We have tagged ambika, missavogue, the trendsetter, the clotheshorse, samida, Rude Boy AKA the Chef and grace.

Loving You

Do you love yourself? I know that you are funny, bright, smart, adorable, and pretty. I know that, but do you?

Can you look in the mirror and honestly say, “I love what I see, I love me!”? Do you cringe when you get out the shower and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror? Do you hate the summer season because that means less clothes to hide under?

If you can say you love yourself, you are one of few who genuinely has a healthy love for themselves. For the rest of us, it can be a tiring, uphill battle.

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I read a wonderful book called “Who Calls Me Beautiful” by Regina Franklin that will open your eyes to how God sees you and how we should see ourselves. The book also goes into great depth regarding the messages society and the media sends women and girls alike. I recommend this book highly for anyone, at any age, who is struggling with self image/self esteem issues, big or small.

Seek and find the love inside of you! While I realize that we all have different faiths, I encouarge you to seek God and His unchanging love to sustain you and empower you to love yourself.

You are more beautiful than you realize,

Joyful Radiance